Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
