That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
