Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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