Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
