He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
