When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
