i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I need to stop coming to work sober
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
