Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
