What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
