I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
