i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize