why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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