I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
