I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
