So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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