I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
