did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
