I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
