whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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