broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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