So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
