A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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