I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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