Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
