you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
