You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize