Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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