the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize