my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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