perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
