her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
