The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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