Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
