Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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