if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
