We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize