Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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