That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
