So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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