Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
