turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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