Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
