i just wanna soil my oats bro
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
