he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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