I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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