there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
