Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
