Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
