That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
