Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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