it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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