I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
