you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
