are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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