We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
