Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
