You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
