everyone is single if you try hard enough
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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