Do vagina's smell?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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