Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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