this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
