I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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