the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
