I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
