my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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