You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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