why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize