Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
