We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
