I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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