So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
