you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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