in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
