I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
