i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
