There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
