At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
