pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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