I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
