She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
