It's Friday. Sex?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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