Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You were trust falling into bushes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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