my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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