Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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