is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
