Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
