Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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