I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
