in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
