why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the day after is always just damage control
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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