i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Randomize
