I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
