I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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