do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
