38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
