you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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