morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize