is your mom at the bar?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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