I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
