I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
