took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
