god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
