I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
