do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
