would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So much rum. So many feels.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
