I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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