If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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